Finding Him

May issue ako sa title ng post na ito and so I might need help. But first, let me write the actual content.

Finding Him. Opo. Tama po. Naghahanap po ako. Ginagawa ko ito kasi deep inside of me I know I have to do it. At this point, medyo (may stress sa medyo kasi hindi pa full force) masigasig ako sa paghahanap ng love life. Naniniwala pa din kasi ako sa sikat na sikat na overrated kasabihan na "dadating kung para sa 'yo" kaya medyo in denial pa din ako sa finding him quest ko na ito. Kung sino man ang nagpakalat ng kasabihan na yan ay lumantad na po at magsabi na ng totoo. Huwag pong paasa. Huwag po kayo magtago sa pen name na anonymous. Please.

On the other hand, hindi ko din naman alam yung totoong ending ng kwento ni Juan tamad. Kung nahulog ba talaga sa bibig niya yung bayabas just by waiting for it simply because it's his destiny. Kaya hindi ko din masisi ang sarili ko kung medyo desperate ako now to initiate a finding jowa drama anthology sa buhay ko. Malungkot maging malungkot. Lalo kung alam mo na kung paano maging masaya nang may kasama. And so this quest must go on!

I can't be a hypocrite. I can't deny the fact that people needs people. Yun ang hinahanap ng puso ko kaya yun din ang hinahanap ko. I can't deprive myself of real happiness I deserve. Reward to self, ganun. Para sa akin na medyo sexually attractive, I mean sexually active pa, nakakapagod talaga ang mag-isa. Nakakapagod humiga sa kama ng mag-isa at makipag-sex sa sarili ng mag-isa. Graduate na yung ibang pornstars sa mga napanood ko pero ako sa pagsasarili, hindi pa. 

Marami nang websites at dating apps akong nagamit. Medyo nakapag online live show na din ako dati just for fun but I remained subtle and reserved. Kahit ngayon na medyo active na ako ulit sa mga online dating keme na ito, hindi ko pa rin naging trip yung basta sex lang. I can still do it pero not on every given opportunity. Hindi kasi ako aswang na basta may laman kakainin na agad. Gusto ko pa rin yung may value. Lahat naman kasi tayo may value. Kailangan lang talaga mahanap yung match that will complement each values.

So far, my finding him quest is not so good but it's still on. I know it's because of my taste that everyone has their own. Besides, marami akong time. Galante ako sa benefit of the doubt kaya willing to spend time to get to know people ang profile headline ko. Mahirap lang talaga pilitin ang sarili kapag hindi mo gusto. I can carry a good convo but once I find it off, I won't press the red button to turn my chair around and say "I need you." Desperate yet patient. I'll try sa The Voice pag wala na talaga. As a singerist. Baka dun they need me pa. 

For me, there's no such thing as high standards when you're looking for someone to spend your life with. It's just standards. No high and no low. It's all but personal preferences. People will take you because they like you and they won't because they just can't. Simple logic. Hindi mo binili yung XL na t-shirt kasi maluwag. Binayaran mo yung medium size kasi yun ang fit sa'yo. End of story. 

Now, balik na tayo sa intro ko. Ano bang issue ko sa title ko? Honestly, medyo magulo lang kasi I'm also considering myself of dating women. Desperate, right? but I don't know if it's also right. Though in my younger years I used to date several women, there's just this bigger space in my heart for men. For me, men taste better than women. I understand men more than women. I can handle men better than women. I can be me with men than women. Then again, I know I can't dictate my heart to whom it will surrender to. Kaya ako ganito, kaya medyo may issue ako sa title ko.

Your thoughts?

Amen.